My letter to the Kvutz: Chevrati; 1-23-2010

After much confusion and discussion about how to have a feedback session of some sort, the kvutz decided that each member would write a letter about anything from thoughts and feelings to criticsms and points of possible improvement. here is my take on the current situation!

Greetings all,
After four months of an ever self bettering process, I currently find myself happier than ever, and in the midst of intense seminars and peulot. Every single day of Workshop, in either the most simple, or most complicated way possible I have found myself questioning my actions. For example, what am I doing on workshop that separates me from my friends on Year-course, or why is it that I try so hard to live out the values of equality of human worth, informal education and collective responsibility? And why is it that I spend a majority of my time wondering how to be the best Dugma Yeshit I can be. All these questions can either be so simple, or so difficult. But for some reason, perhaps for the better, these questions have never been easy for me to answer. This all comes back to my intentions of this letter which we decided would be the first steps of our feedback session. What is my personal intention of this letter?
High school was a bore for me. I can easily tell you what things I am ashamed of, or how my relationships were not based around anything rather than infatuation of materialistic objects. I didn’t realize the uniqueness of all the people around me. As time wound down in my high school career, I realized how unique life is. All of a sudden, I was driven to become a better person. As time wound by and machaneh arrived, meaning workshop was approaching, I found myself not wanting to go on Workshop. I was terrified of the word “ideology,” and had no understanding of what living in a Kvutza actually meant. A few weeks later, I found myself sitting next to Izzy Busby on an airplane going to Israel, having superficial, materialistic discussions, pretending I was excited, but I wasn’t excited. I was afraid of what I was about to get myself into. I didn’t want to go.
Four months later from sitting on a plane with Izzy and awkwardly thinking of things to do to keep ourselves busy, I can tell you that mine and Izzy’s current friendship is based on love, mutual respect and essential values that are the essence of our character. The exact same goes for every single person in this house. Every time I talk to a Kvutza mate, or anyone for that matter, I do all I can to actualize on having an “I and thou” relationship. No relationship I have with any person in this house is intended to be materialistic, and if it is, then it is just one more thing that can be overcome. Just like with Izzy, my friendships are based on love.
I am currently in the best stage of my life I have been in at any point. As difficult as some things have been, it has all been worth it to me. Every morning I wake up and ask myself how I can make the world better. Ideology has been an unexpected, yet incredible breakthrough. I have only just begun the never ending climb to learning about myself, and how I can apply my knowledge and passions to improve the world. However, I am aware that there are still an almost endless amount of questions I am faced with, but I know that Workshop has been the best place for me to start my process of self improvement, as well as improving society. I have become infatuated with Zionism and the different ideologies, but have never been able to connect with Labor/Socialist Zionism to the point which I am currently at. Every peulah gets me thinking about things critically, all which have furthered my current beliefs.
As part of my development process, I have formed the belief that life is to wonderful to keep to myself, and I see Kvutza as the most effective way of fighting back a society which forces individualism, while at the same time developing these whole relationships I speak so highly of. Weather we are all on board or not, this is our current situation. For some, perhaps it will be a structure to live their lives after college and for others maybe not. But this is our current situation, and we must share a stichia of the value of one another, as well as commitment to the process, which will result in a more wonderful praxis than will make our year more enjoyable. But in my eyes right now, I don’t see this happening as much as it should be. The goal of a Kvutza is not to be best friends with every single person, but to view each individual as an equal human being, and to treat them nothing less. With all of us here for reasons that may not match up, in the end we need to realize that this is a structure for a year, set up for us to learn valuable life lessons that perhaps cannot be learned any where else. It’s such simple words that become so difficult for us to actualize on. Collective responsibilities, shivion erech haadam, the “I and thou” mindset which we have spent hours discussing, are the simplest values to practice, but I feel that we are not there yet. They are difficult to actualize, and perhaps could take moths, or years. But, my biggest issue is that in many cases I do not see these being attempted. I know we're all at different places, with different thoughts, feelings ad emotions. Specifically, I mean the talking behind backs, the lack of rosh gadol. Of course there is a lot too one self, which includes certain needs, but I see little effort in many cases, of even trying to live these values.For those who feel otherwise about those values, I value your opinions, and would love to get to know those qualities of you. The days I spoke of earlier where I was unsure of myself and who I was, even days before Workshop I was as negative as it gets towards shitoof, but I through people and conversation the first few days, I was able to realize that this is just an experiment where I would have to step out of my comfort zone, all the time. Not even a year, just nine months. By steping out of our comfort zones, and challenging ourselves and one another to live out these values for the remainder of Workshop is how I see the Kvutza’s best tools for improvement. Honesty is lacking, and it is a shame. We need to be able to trust one another, and it makes me sad hearing vulgar things about one another behind their backs. Of course I am guilty of these things more than often, but I try to change these things every day, and know that I cannot continue to have these personal breakthroughs without being pushed out of my comfort zone by every one in this Kvutza, and by our madrichim.
We all have brilliant minds, wonderful ideas, and incredible personalities. We have learned so much from one another thus far, and I know we will continue. All I ask of you, and of myself, is to respect one another, and see us as equals. There are a vast amount of issues which we all know need to be addressed, however I feel that addressing those in our one on one sichot, will be much more productive for me. We all have a responsibility for one another to facilitate each other’s growth, and I hope, depending on where each individual is, that this process can be started or continued. We still have four more wonderful months together and have just began the first steps of our possible life changing journey to Poland. Workshop has been great so far, but lets make it greater.